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November 2nd, 2009

09:43 pm - Super-ficial
Ever just sat and listened tot he conversations at an all girls prison, i mean school... It's quite uh... what's the word? YEs. That's it. Superficial. I mean seriously have girls got nothing better to do then talk about guys, clothes
Current Location: Bedroom
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: A little bit of Miley...

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February 14th, 2009

01:28 pm - Happy Valentines Day...!
The other day it took me 6 minutes to realize a lot of things in my life...
6 minutes to realize why i really don't date...
6 minutes to realize what love is...
6 minutes to have fear and confidence overcome my life all over again...

I was lying on my bed fully clothed having just come back from first aid training; a compulsory activity at my school.
Engaged in a conversation over text messages with the guy I like I began thinking.
"Is there a real reason why I can't be who I want to be with him?"
For some time i had had this concept that I really did know what was going on, but at this moment in time it seemed as though it had all been a lie.
I thought.

I do love him; obviously there are strong feelings between us. It is mutual. Yet I still feel as though it's not all it should be.
Is it really my parents keeping us from dating? Or am i using that as an excuse for the fact that I'm scared out of my wits of dating with him.
I was kind of confused about the whole going out on the saturday (a.k.a today) for valentines day with other "couples". Who are actually couples... They're just all in their twenties which i found rather off putting.
How am I a 15 year old going to fit in?

I spoke to him about that and he said he was fine as long as i am comfortable. I thanked him for his understanding, still feeling bad at the thought of disappointing him.
Friday the 13th we spent a little alone time together. We spoke and I could sense something was wrong in the sense that we had had an important discussion at youth about relationships and sex. He obviously has a past... i could see it.

But i didn't want to bring it up on a day about love. So today on valentines day I received a card that made my heart jump and I've decided that for now I'll have to wait. He'll be open...
I'm sure of it...

Current Location: Friends living room...
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: Idols Auditions =D

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February 7th, 2009

07:55 am - Should I be worried...?

I went through the week with not much but school on my mind. Everything was okay, nothing stood out too much and I was happy.
Come friday and i was still the same. I went to both the senior and junior youth launches. Junior youth I am one of the leaders (it's for 9 to 13 year old) and obviously senior youth i am one of the members.
I had a lot of fun. I was really proud of myself for taking charge of an activity all by myself for the first time at junior youth so one can imagine my day was only getting better. Senior youth was a blast. We played fun games and learned about God's love, which all in all was a wonderful message.
Then I was going home and telling my dad ( who is the pastor of the church) about who was there and what we did. He was very disappointed int he junior leaders as he seems to think that in a sense we are starting to neglect junior youth and think more about senior youth.
That put me in some-what of a bad mood... but i didn't make a big deal out of it. Just kept the thought in my head.
Then when I got home I realized i had a message on my phone from the guy i like.
We have an extremely strange relationship. Basically we both love each other as friends brother and sister and more than that, but he is 18 and i'm 15 and i'm not allowed to date so we have a sort o relationship in waiting...
Anyway he sent a message telling me that my youth leader is going to speak to my dad about the two of us.

I personally do not have a problem with that, but I'm scared about how my father is going to react about the situation.
I'm hoping he doesn't ban us from seeing each other out of church or telling me i can't be with him, because that would break my heart.

I guess all i can do is wait... wait to see what God has planned...

Current Location: In Bed still...
Current Mood: mellowmellow
Current Music: The Climb - Miley Cyrus

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January 30th, 2009

03:43 pm - For a while...
I'm quite excited about my churches Youth Retreat coming up...
Though i don't seem it...
I'm going with an expectant heart...
But i have no idea what's going to happen and that is something that kinda gets to me... Surprises are fun when you know what they are...
So this is my last post for the weekend... until sunday evening really.
Pray for me that i may enjoy the trip and learn and experience something new with my friends and with God.
Build relationships, break through barriers... all those things!
Bye for now x

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January 29th, 2009

06:45 pm - Boring Excitement... is that an oxymoron?
I can't believe i can be feeling two completely different emotions at one time!
I'm sitting here at my desk on the laptop surrounded by my various school books thinking to myself how?
Okay so tomorrow is my youth group from churches retreat! And i am uber excited about it!
I mean, a weekend away from the parents with some of my closest friends learning and growing my relationship with God!
Sounds fun does it not?
Then again i'm sitting ehre waiting for tomorrow doing a MICROSCOPE research project. Yes i said microscope!
The things they come up with these days to keep us teenagers in school! Really... a more interesting topic would be bones...
On another plus side I'm doing well in school (I know it's only been a week, but a hectic one! and i understand everything at the moment)
And i found out the coolest disturbing thing today.
My afrikaans teacher (My second language down here in South Africa) dated a guy in the 12th grade... when she was in the 8th grade! Freaky or what? And he was the rugby team captain.
The America scenario would be the captain of the football team ( A senior) dating a freshman! I think it rather weird!
But anyway... I'll post soon!
Current Location: Desk in room...
Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: Mcfly

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January 28th, 2009

08:40 pm - Rocks and Boulders...
Is it wrong that a week ago i was craving school?
I missed it...
I missed having the constant work that pushed everything else in my life a step back in the importance factor.
And i don't regret it now. I love having all this work. It keeps my mind from running away from me. Keeps me from ruining things in my life.
Yet it's been one week exactly...
I've finished all my homework and all of a sudden i feel like i'm lifting a tonne of bricks.
There's the thoughts of what's going to happen after school...
There's the fact that my relationship (which isn't really a relationship) has gotten quite hectic...
There's the fact that the not-so-relationship has ruined a relationship with a friend
There's the fact that i'm getting the blame for it and being accused of being a thief in some sense.
There's the fact that i'm struggling to keep a good relationship with one of my friends... (Seems i jumped before she was ready...)
And lastly there's the whole having to deal wtih my friend's problems now too...
I know i have God... I just wish that i could avoid these obstacles...
Current Location: My bedroom...
Current Mood: lonelylonely
Current Music: Jonas Brothers - Sorry

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January 3rd, 2009

07:51 pm - A little about a lot

I'm still young. Not older than 16, but not younger than 14.
That doesn't stop me.
I'm average. Really I am.
I get good enough marks at school and my parents do tell me to try harder.
I play sport and I do music; both of which I enjoy.
I have my "young" moments with the disney channel, but my older moments when it come to problems.
I like boys, make up and fashion. Shoes are my weakness not that I get to buy as many as I would like to.
I've been in love, well i still am and I do believe it is an amazing feeling.
I'm a pastor's daughter.
I have a yougner brother who happens to be annoying. What are the chances?
I have major mood swings.
Chocloate is a weakness I have, but it's not my greatest.
This is basically my day to day story... My life.

Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: Miley Cyrus - I Got Nerve

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